The winner is:
K10!!!!!
This student (referred to as K10 in the previous blog) is 10 years old and is currently in year 6. I chose this piece because of the consistently high standard throughout:
The story fits the outline (shops, bread, home);
The details tie together to make a cohesive whole;
Stunning use of descriptive language throughout;
Skillful use of punctuation and sentence types, enhancing the dramatic effect of the words.
Here is the full story. At the end, I give the assessor's feedback, broken down in terms of:
SPaG (the basics of Spelling, Punctuation & Grammar)
Language
Structure
Originality of ideas
Enjoy!
I've also written my own story, coincidentally also describing a dystopia, but differently. I attempt to give some kind of backstory to explain the gloom (great for clarity, and also to add an extra paragraph of length to your story! - though this shouldn't be the main reason). I've submitted it to a website called Critique Circle as I like to get a range of feedback to test the clarity and learn from other people's suggestions (some advice I discard; others I take on to develop my skills). You can see it in its original form at:
Probably you have to join the community to see the story, but this could be a good idea for the ambitious writer.
Warning: my story is a bit gloomy, but it's very much a piece of fiction.
On a more upbeat note, I will be announcing news of a CHRISTMAS WRITING CONTEST exactly one week from today. It is based on the most Chrismassy of poems: Twas the night before. Full instructions will appear in the next blog.