• Vicky

Describe an animal

Updated: Mar 30, 2021

This is my attempt at the following title:

"Write an account of an occasion, real or fictional, when you closely observed an animal. This could be a pet, an animal in a zoo, or in the wild. Make the focus of your story the animal itself, taking care to describe it in detail."


- The story is based on truth (less work on the brain! and more authentic), but I adapted a few details according to the flow of the story. The name is fictional.

- I wrote in the first person, but through the eyes of a child - in order for it to serve as a useful example for my 11+ learners.


1st paragraph - introduce my dog in a very natural context. My aim is to SHOW you what she is like, rather than just tell you (in the spirit of 'show don't tell').

2nd paragraph - back-story to fill the reader in on some basic factual information....I tell you her name, age, physical description, personality etc. (show AND tell).

3rd paragraph - my aim is to show you the world as I imagine it to be through a dog's eyes.

4th paragraph - I struggled for further ideas to write about! But then I remembered a reading comprehension I'd once read about a scorpion in which a whole paragraph was dedicated to flaws. So this became the focus of the final paragraph, which blends into the ending. The ending mirrors the beginning, thus giving it a very 'end-of-story' feeling.

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