A Walk in the Park

I actually don't remember where I picked up this story from (an ex-student? online?) but it is a GSCE response to an image of a park. I've edited out a few minor errors, and the image is not the original one, but the story is mainly in its original form.

Teacher's feedback:

• I love the descriptive use of language - visual imagery, sensory language, interesting metaphors, and some alliteration! Can you find examples?

• Beautifully structured - introduces the story with a general description of the setting, then zooms in on some people, then one person in particular (notice the distinct change of mood/perspective in the 3rd paragraph), before zooming out again - a change of weather sends people scurrying home.

• I love the single line in the final paragraph - seasons come and go...today's happy times become yesterday's memories. Or at least that's my interpretation.

Analysis of structure is useful for the typical GSCE question: how has the writer structured the text to interest the reader? Awareness of structure will also improve your own writing skills. Always have a plan! Here's what the plan may have looked like:

1st paragraph - general setting (forest, autumn, late afternoon)

2nd paragraph - some people (a happy scene)

3rd paragraph - zoom in on one person sitting alone, delve momentarily into their thoughts/memories (happy/sad);

4th paragraph - change of weather, people scurry home

5th paragraph - winter